writing sample

The gorgeous sunset at tolaga

Just imagine staring out onto the beach and seeing an exceedingly captivating
sunset above the crystal clear ocean. 

Striding along the soft yellow sand, suddenly noticing
the Elagant orange sunset hovering over the salty water.
I dived into that salty water, feeling a gush of refreshment
rush through my hair. I felt like an elegant dolphin constantly
jumping through the waves. I swam up to the surface and glanced up
at the alluring sunset. I felt blessed that I was sharing this moment
with my Mum and siblings. I looked at them and smiled.

 I rose out of the water. Once again I felt the soft yellow sand
between my toes. I could hear my siblings playing peacefully in the water.
I could smell the barbeque sizzling away, as I darted back to the tent,
to get ready for dinner. I looked back out to the crystal clear ocean,
and now the colourful sky had turned blacker than black.
Stars were shining bright covering the sky with tiny spots of light.

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My learning goals are to make my my idea's complex and elaborate; to make my writing
more clear; to use more subheadings and topic sentances in my pharagraphs;
to use proper punctuation in my writing.

My main focus for next term is to make my writing alot more clearer.